Jill Came Tumbling...
by Y St. Ace
Summary: Tashigi hits her head a little too hard and makes life more interesting on the Marine boat.


The door to his quarters burst open. "Captain Smoker! It's the Sergeant Major!"

The Marine captain didn't look up from his book. "Did she fall down the stairs again?" 

This stopped the Marine in his tracks. "Well…yes, sir, she did."

"Unless she broke something, why are you bothering me?" Smoker paused. The last thing he needed was a gimpy subordinate. "She didn't break anything, did she?"

"No, sir, but I think you should come anyway."

Smoker exhaled impatiently, blowing more smoke into the thick air, and followed the Marine out the door. 

"She's sitting on the bow, sir," the man said nervously.

"I can see that." He could make out a dark shape perched on the rail from the light of the moon. "What is she wearing?"

"She dyed one of the Marine jackets black this afternoon."

Smoker's already thin patience had worn away to nothing. "Tashigi! Get over here."

When she didn't jump to attention, he barked. "Tashigi, are you deaf? I said to get over here! That means now." 

When there was still no sign of recognition from the sergeant major, Smoker stalked across the deck, bellowing, "Tashigi, when I say 'Jump,' you better be asking yourself, 'How hi-HELL!" 

He had barely missed being beheaded by the woman.

The now black Marine jacket billowed around Tashigi as she stood on the railing. The pitching of the ship should have thrown her into the ocean by now, but she seemed quite comfortable; she rocked back and forth on her heels with the motion of the ship. It appeared that she had five different swords in each hand. Smoker knew that she was smarting from her defeat by Roronoa Zoro, but ten sword style was going overboard.

"Would you like to be the first Marine I kill when I take over this miserable piece of wood you call a ship?" she asked politely.

Her glasses had slipped from the bridge of her nose. She pushed them back up.

With the palm of her hand.

Smoker puffed on his cigar thoughtfully. "Give me a moment."

He could feel her eyes on him as walked back to the group of Marines that had gathered on the bridge.

"Explain."

The Marine swallowed thickly and began. "Well, you see, sir, the Sergeant Major was going over some old reports from Headquarters. The ship hit a large wave and she tripped down the stairs. She hit her head pretty hard, but when she got up, she said she was okay. Then she dyed that jacket. And when she duct taped the swords to her hand, well, we thought something was funny. But when McNichols asked her a question and she almost opened him up from neck to navel, when he asked her a question, we thought you might want to know."

"Old reports you said?" The Marine handed Smoker a sheaf of papers.

"We think she was reading the one on the top."

He skimmed it quickly and discovered that there had been unsubstantiated reports of a pirate's reappearance in East Blue – mostly attributed to a subordinate masquerading as the old captain. He looked at the attached Marine sketch of what this pirate looked like and read the name at the bottom.

"Tashigi thinks she's Captain Kuro?"

  
  


They retreated to Smoker`s office. 

"Get that quack of a ship's psychologist up here," Smoker ordered.

"That will be difficult, sir. You kicked him off the last time we stopped for supplies."

"Wait. He was that short, squirrelly man who was always squeaking about feelings, right?" Smoker's personal philosophy on 'feelings' was to have as few as possible, with the exceptions of 'anger' and 'annoyance.'

"That would have been him, sir." Another Marine came in with a stack of books. "We have his reference manuals and notes."

"He didn't take them with him?" asked Smoker.

"He might have, had we bothered to dock when you…urged… him off the ship, sir."

"I remember now." The psychologist had made a satisfying splash in the water. And it had only been about a hundred meters to dry land; not very far at all to swim. Smoker had sent a very pointed fax detailing what he would do to the next Marine psychologist that Headquarters sent him. They had gotten the point and his ship been psychologist-free for months now. He'd never been so relaxed.

"Grab those books, men. We've got some work to do."

Later…

Captain Smoker ground his teeth on his cigar and addressed Tashigi's back. "We're going to talk." When she didn't reply, he soldiered on. "I'm Captain Smoker; your boss. You're Tashigi, a Sergeant Major in the Marines. You hit your head while reading about this Captain Kuro fellow. You got confused…not much different than usual…and now you think you are him."

Tashigi turned slightly and eyed Smoker over her shoulder.

"Good job, sir, I think you're getting through to her!" one of the Marines cried from the safety of the upper deck.

"Do you remember? We entered the Grandline to chase those pirates."

Tashigi stood up on the railing again and rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. Once again, she pushed her glasses up with the palm of her hand. The moonlight reflected off the blades of the swords taped to her hand.

"You are beginning to irritate me, Marine," she growled. "Don't think I'll fall for your pathetic mind games. I don't know how you captured me but I've escaped and if you get any closer, I'll cut out your vocal chords with – "

"The swords you taped to the palm of your hands?" Smoker snorted derisively.

She let her arms hang loosely at her side. The blades scraped the wood.. "I had to make due."

"The last time I heard, Kuro was a man," Smoker pointed out.

"That kind of thing should wake her up!" someone whispered.

Tashigi smirked. "Last time you heard, I was also dead. It seems the Marines can get nothing right."

The Marine who had spoken amended his praise. "It was a good try, sir."

Smoker's cigar was nearly a stub and the tip glowed a violent red as he inhaled. "Are you sure I can't just belt her about the head and bring her back to her senses?"

"It says in the book that it may make it worse, sir. Try mentioning things that are important to her; like her family and - "

Smoker took the idea and ran with it. "We're going to find those Straw Hat pirates and you're going to get the swordsman. You've got your vendetta against Roronoa."

"Zoro," she muttered, but 'Kuro' didn't sound quite sure of herself.

"Keep going, sir. I think you've got her on this one."

Smoker continued. "He mocked you in that sword shop. You told me all about it. Doesn't it piss you off when you think about it?"

Tashigi's eyes narrowed. "Zoro."

"I think it's really working this time, sir."

Smoker thought of something else. "And his swords? The Wadou? The Kintetsu? You're on that personal crusade to get all the great swords of the world out of the hands of criminals! That's what this is about! That's why we're here. So are you going to stand on that railing all night, playing pirates, or are we going to get some sleep so we can track down them and bring them to Marine justice?"

"We're going to bring them to justice, Smoker, sir!" Tashigi cried passionately. Then she paused and asked, "Sir, what am I doing up – "

She lost her footing and fell overboard. There was a short yelp and then a splash.

Yes, Tashigi was _definitely_ back, Smoker mused, as someone ran to get a life preserver.

  
  


Epilogue

"Captain Smoker! It happened again!" The Marine almost crashed into him.

Smoker frowned. "Get a tissue for that bloody nose, Marine. Has there been a fight?"

"Sir, it isn't a fight – "

Tashigi walked past and Captain Smoker almost swallowed his cigar. After she turned the corner, he cleared his throat. "She was reading a report about Hawk Eye Mihawk."

"That's right, sir."

"Where did she get a broad sword?"

"You'd be surprised what's in the hull of the ship, sir."

"And the hat?"

"Apparently the Sergeant Major is quite a able seamstress. Handkerchief, sir? You seem to – "

"Shut up," Smoker snarled, as he hastily wiped his nose with the back of his glove. "Get me those books again."

"Yes, sir."

"In the meantime, I'll see if I can convince 'Mihawk' to button up her shirt…"


End file.
